Wally Watch: Where we read Wally Hall so you don’t have to.

Oct. 4, 2007: Monk returning good for Hogs, not for him.

Primary Theme: For the sake of his NFL career, wide receiver Marcus Monk probably shouldn’t play this season.

Choice Analogy: None. Reading a Wally Wall column without a groan-inducing comparison is like discovering that Britney Spears is a good parent.

God Watch: No holy references. Goddamnit! Wally, you’re making this hard!

Redundant Phrasing (Or, We Have to Find Something to Bitch About!): Wally begins the column with three straight sentences that encompass the “absolutely, positively no doubt” phrase. It’s a bit of a mouthful.

Our Analysis: This piece is proof that the sun does occasionally rise in the West. It’s well-written, doesn’t bounce from point to unrelated point, and has a clear and reasonable central thesis: As much as it would hurt the Razorbacks’ 2007 season, it very well may be best for Marcus to sit this year out. And although the Hogs desperately need a capable receiver, it’s hard not to agree.

Just One More Thing: As a note to the editors of the Democrat-Gazette, bring the real Wally back! We’re not sure what you’ve done with (or to?) him, but the imposter who wrote today’s column is simply no fun for us to talk about.

Wally Watch: Where we read Wally Hall so you don’t have to.

September 18. 2007: Two third down plays loom large in defeat.

Controversy!!!: In this column Wally points out that the Houston Nutt Hogs have followed up their first SEC loss with a loss in the next conference game - every time. That’s nine straight years…a pretty interesting stat, no? Of course, the really interesting thing is that the Hog Blogger brought up the exact same point the day before. Coincidence? Probably. Controversy? Not really. But we do love the idea that maybe, just maybe, Wally is reading the blogs, and possibly even ours. If so, hi Wally! We’d love to do a Q&A with you sometime…just let us know when you’re free.

September 21, 2007: Spruced-up Superdome ready for prime time.

Breaking News: It’s the day before a huge Razorback football game - one that could set the tone for a strong SEC run or send the season into the tank. So naturally Wally steps up to bat and cranks out a column about…wait for it…the current condition of the Superdome. Glad we got that highly relevant issue cleared up.

The Way to Man’s Heart is Through His Stomach: Wally gave a glowing report about everything from the quality of the Superdome roof to New Orleans trash pickup to the decreasing crime rate. Of course, he also mentions being treated to at least two delicious meals. The moral of this story? A full-bellied Wally is a happy Wally.

Wally Watch: Where we read Wally Hall so you don’t have to.

Sept. 13, 2007: UA can expect some changes under new AD

Primary Theme: The daring assertion that, under new AD Jeff Long, “it is more than likely there will be some changes or very strong tweaking” to the athletic department. Hard to disagree with that, we guess.

Choice Analogy: “From the day of [Broyles’ retirement] announcement until last Friday, the lid on information was tighter than the doors on a new submarine.” Knowing a good thing when he sees it, Wally later writes, “Last Friday information about Long was leaking like, well, bad doors on an old submarine.”

God Watch: No overt references to matters of faith. However, at one point, after describing Broyles’ success in building new athletic facilities, he says of Frank, “One might think he had some carpenter’s blood in him.” Hmm … might Wally be ascribing divine qualities to Broyles? If nothing else, we now have an idea for “The Da Vinci Code” sequel.

Delusion of Grandeur: His statement that his column on Tulane Athletic Director Rick Dickson’s candidacy for the UA job “did seem to jolt the UA power players into action.”

Our Analysis: Not a terrible effort, but, ultimately, you have to ask yourself, “Yeah, so?” Some speculation or informed opinion about what specific changes the new AD may have in store would have been interesting. Alas, there’s none of that to be found.

Let’s hope Pittsburgh Athletic Director Jeff Long takes it easy during any New Year’s Eve celebrations he might attend. That’s because he’s slated to replace Frank Broyles as Arkansas’ AD on Jan. 1., meaning his first official act as AD may be to watch the Hogs receive their annual bowl game ass-kicking. He may end up wishing he’d spent that time filling out insurance and other HR forms.

We’re not opinionated one way or another about the hire, but we wish Long well. We were amused, however, by Wally Hall’s minor fit about the lack of the lack of serious AD candidates with a Razorback background. “Maybe the new tradition is to hire folks for athletic positions who have never called the Hogs,” he huffed in Sunday’s column. “No offense to either [Long or Tulane AD Rick Dickson], but do they know anything about the history of the Hogs? Or the passion that once seized almost an entire state every Saturday in the fall?”

Don’t worry, Mr. Long: Just publicly utter a few verses of Scripture, and Wally will be in your back pocket in no time.

Wally Watch: Where we read Wally Hall so you don’t have to.

August 23, 2007: Say what you will, but Hogs can get to #9
Primary Theme: Wally voted Arkansas #9 in the preseason AP poll and is very sick of hearing that this might have been a little optimistic.

Money Quote: “Perhaps I’m wrong, maybe even an idiot, but that doesn’t mean a posse should harass me.” Love it…this quote is great for so many reasons.

August, 24, 2007: Time to read up on Delta Classic-4-Literacy

Primary Theme: A Wally Hall stew of various informational and conversational morsels.

Bold Statement Alert: “If Darren McFadden wins the Heisman Trophy, last week’s issue of Sports Illustrated, dated Aug. 20, 2007, will increase in value in Arkansas”

August 26, 2007: “Harrison’s arrest should serve as wake-up call”

Primary Theme: Dissecting Marcus Harrison’s recent arrest like only Wally can.

Head Scratcher: The claim that Ecstasy, either directly or indirectly, causes the deaths of “tens of thousands of young people” each year. We’re not downplaying the seriousness of the situation, nor are we experts in drug policy, but our suspicion is that if Ecstasy really was responsible for a yearly death count equal to half the American lives lost during the entire Vietnam War, we’d probably be hearing a lot more about it.

Humor Alert: We’re guessing that Wally’s rather odd assertion that “if a player just feels he has to be stupid and shoplift, the worst place to do it is in Dillard’s, which has dozens and dozens of cameras” is a joke, and if so it’s pretty funny. We could definitely see him ripping someone else for saying something like this, though.

Our Analysis: We like to give Wally a hard time (a statement that’s probably Wally-esque in its obviousness), but to be fair this column was a surprisingly moderate and reasoned analysis. For the sake of this blog, we like it better when he stands proudly on the moral high ground and lets us all know how to act. Oh well, maybe next time.

Wally Watch: Where we read Wally Hall so you don’t have to.

August 22, 2007: “It doesn’t take long to feel at home in Colorado”

Primary Theme: Wally got a free trip to Colorado in order to…well, we aren’t really sure why.

Choice Analogy: “Saying [Alfred Williams] is popular in the Denver area would be like saying there’s a little skiing done in the state.”

Heartwarming Factor: 2/10. Unless you’re moved by the thought of Wally taking a nice working vacation, that is.

Names Dropped: Tons! Charles Baker, Donald McDonald, Steve McClain, Derrick Clark, Jeff Bzdelik, Charles Johnson, Alfred Williams. Plus references to Scott Hastings and Ken Hatfield.

God Watch: Not counting a slightly confusing reference to a Muslim barber shop, nothing of note.

Our Analysis: Definitely one of Wally’s more random efforts. After reading it several times, we’re still not entirely clear why he went to went to Colorado in the first place. Is checking in on the former head bball coach of Shorter College that newsworthy? It contains a nice nugget about Williams considering going to Arkansas (because of Ken Hatfield’s offense, of all things), but other than that its analysis of the Denver sports scene makes it an odd fit for the Democrat-Gazette. Maybe local Colorado fans would find it interesting?

Wally Watch: Where we read Wally Hall so you don’t have to.

Welcome to the inaugural post in a soon-to-be-regular series in which we dissect, analyze and critique the writings of everyone’s favorite sports editor.

August 14, 2007: “Not even McFadden can juke spotlight’s glare”

Primary Theme: Darren McFadden will really get a lot of media attention this year. Not exactly the boldest statement, but we can’t disagree.

Tell Us More: Felix Jones a likely candidate to go pro, too? Wally, don’t leave us hanging!

Choice Analogy: “Saying McFadden faces large expectations would be like saying LSU fans won’t be inviting Nick Saban to a crawfish fry anytime soon.”

Heartwarming Factor: 7/10. Wally isn’t afraid to tug at your heartstrings by conjuring up the image of a family reunion at the Heisman presentation.

Local Names Dropped: Mini Muhammed, Cookie & Graylon McFadden, Mickey Dean

God Watch: No holy references in this column. Maybe there’ll be a double whammy in the next one to make up for it.

Our Analysis: It contains some good information, but Wally slips into his bad habit of constructing a column out of several barely related trains of thought. For example, the first half that covers the media glare has only slight connection to the second half, in which Wally spins a few yarns about D-Mac’s early years and, after a few twists and turns, winds up on the feel-good note about the whole family being together at the Heisman ceremony. Overall though, not a bad effort.