Here at RazorbackExpats, we’ve been looking forward to the Auburn game all season. Not because we’re anticipating a win, but because it gives us a chance to chat with one of the funniest and most talented bloggers out there: Jerry of The Joe Cribbs Car Wash. So, read on to get his wildly entertaining take on Auburn’s season so far, the Tony Franklin soap opera and if Tommy Tuberville would rather have dinner with Nick Saban or Bobby Petrino. (And be sure to click here to see our responses to Jerry’s questions about the Hogs.) Quick editors’ note: questions were exchanged before Franklin got canned, so, yes, we are aware that he has been booted.

Give us your quick assessment of Auburn’s season so far. Is it safe to assume that things haven’t gone the way fans had hoped or expected?

Uh, yes. Quite, quite safe. Not so much on the defensive side of things, where save for one iffy half against LSU the Tigers have been every bit as good as advertised and then some. But of course, that only does so much good when you’re working with the worst offense, bar none, I’ve ever seen on the Plains. The blowout of Louisiana-Monroe was palatable and the comfortable win over Southern Miss may have even been “tasty,” but since then the team has sunk to its lowest levels–again, without question–since 2003. Especially when contrasted with the Tide’s rocket-ship ride to No. 2 in the country, it’s not the best of times for Auburn fans. In fact, it’s pretty much exactly the opposite.

Obviously the quick scouting report on Auburn this year is defense = scarily good, offense = scarily bad. Take us beyond those stereotypes…what are the Tigers’ strengths and weaknesses that we should watch for?

What’s funny is that I’m not sure you can go too far beyond those stereotypes–the defense honestly doesn’t have a single glaring weakness and likewise there’s nothing this offense as currently constructed does well. But the Hogs are catching this defense at the right time–the Tigers are way, way banged up, with top corner (and arguably the unit’s best player) “doubtful” in Jarraud Powers and FDA-certified DT monster Sen’Derrick Marks nursing a sore ankle. Particularly with Powers out, the best way to attack the D is to put multiple wideouts on the field and go after the corners–freshmen Neiko Thorpe and D’Antoine Hood will be terrific a couple of years from now (and Thorpe’s not far off now) but they’re still freshmen. With Auburn’s offense, who the bloody hell knows at this point, but forcing Auburn’s QBs–the erratic-if-electric Kodi Burns and rag-armed-if-accurate Chris Todd–to throw is very rarely a bad thing.

When we first saw offensive coordinator Tony Franklin at Auburn, he was implementing a new offense practically overnight and leading you guys to 400+ yards in your bowl win. That was certainly an impressive beginning…where have things gone wrong since then?

The specific details vary depending on who you talk to, but there’s not much doubt at this point that whether because Franklin did a bad job of selling his offense to the other offensive assistants–all of which have been with Tubby for ages–or whether they outright rejected it, Franklin and his staff members weren’t on the same page. The result was the rocky outings over the first few weeks, at which point Tubby stepped in and demanded Auburn install some new sets to try and get some yards on the ground, which only made worse the offense’s lack of focus and deep divisions amongst the staff. This week things came to a head and voila, no more Franklin.

What’s the daily count of flaming bags of dog shit being delivered to Franklin’s doorstep? At this rate, will he be back next year?

Up until his firing, I’m guessing he’d probably maxed out at about 4.7 bags a day, and obviously, that rate was at least somewhere between 2 and 2.5 too many dog-shit bags per day to keep him employed. What’s been interesting is that between the bizarre timing of Franklin’s firing and the increasing attention paid to the inability and/or outright refusal of Auburn’s staff to work with him, many Auburn fans–maybe even a majority, by this point–have now turned their ire towards Tuberville, blaming him for the blind loyalty to his other assistants and not letting Franklin run things the way he wanted to from the get-go. Me personally? There’s blood on all their hands, as you don’t have an apocalyptic performance of the kind Auburn showed against Vandy without incompetence across the board.

Would Tommy Tuberville rather have dinner with Bobby Petrino or Nick Saban? How will the history between Petrino and Tuberville (”Jetgate”, etc) affect the game?

(Read on …)

With a couple of top teams idle and only one big game this past weekend (featuring Vanderbilt!), our Power Poll is fairly uneventful this week. But don’t take our word for it…check out the overall results to see what our fellow SEC bloggers think.

1. (1) Alabama (defeated Kentucky, 17-14)
2. (2) LSU (idle)
3. (3) Georgia (idle)
4. (4) Florida (defeated Arkansas, 38-7)

Yawn.

5. (6) Vanderbilt (defeated Auburn, 14-13)
6. (5) Auburn (lost to Vanderbilt, 13-14)

Ancient scholars are currently poring over arcane texts to see if Vandy being undefeated and #1 in the conference at this point in the season equals some sign of the apocalypse. (Given the way the rest of the world is going, we’re inclined to say that it is.) Meanwhile, some words of comfort for Auburn fans: we know you’re getting tired of struggling to score in the high single digits, but don’t worry…you’re due for a 40 point offensive explosion against the Hogs this weekend.

7. (9) South Carolina (defeated Mississippi, 31-24)
8. (7) Mississippi (lost to South Carolina, 24-31)

A victory against Florida followed by a loss to the Cocks. Enjoy the Houston Nutt era Rebs fans…it’s a wild ride.

9. (10) Kentucky (lost to Alabama, 14-17)
10. (8) Tennessee (defeated Northern Illinois, 13-9)
11. (11) Mississippi State (idle)

Tennesee really is pretty bad this year, huh?

12. (12) Arkansas (lost to Florida, 7-38)

Nice work by the Hogs to solidify their last place standing here. When they were only down 17-7 relatively late in the game it looked like the ranking could be in jeopardy, but they pulled it out with a solid collapse in the 4th quarter.

Wondering how your evaluation of Saturday’s loss jives with those of Chris Bahn and Alex Abrams? Read on to find out.

Bahn of ArkansasSports360.com gave the offense a C, the defense a C-, special teams a C and an overall C. (Click here to read his full report.) Here’s a notable passage from his evaluation: “Say what you will about the improvement the Razorbacks made, but make no mistake - This was still a blowout loss on the scoreboard. Arkansas has now been outscored 139-31 in three consecutive games and has a very slim margin of error. It’s possible the Razorbacks aren’t as bad as they’ve looked and the apprehension on Arkansas adding to its win total seems to have calmed a bit after a solid three quarters against Florida. There is still MUCH improvement for this team to make and it’s going to take near-perfect performances to win with a defense susceptible to giving up the big play and an offense that can’t seem to make big plays.”

Meanwhile, Abrams of The Morning News breaks it down as follows (click here for his full report) - Quarterbacks: C. Running Backs: A-. Wide Receivers: B-. Offensive Line: C+. Defensive Line: C+. Linebackers: B+. Secondary: C. Special Teams: D+. Coaching: B-.

Well, for a while there, the Razorbacks were threatening to not get blown out. In the end, though, Florida handed them their third-straight lopsided defeat.

Still, it says something about how the 2008 season is going when, after a game that the Hogs lost by 31 points and in which they yielded 514 yards of total offense, I’m left thinking, “Hey, they didn’t play all that badly.” 

As always, share your thoughts in the comments thread.

With Razorback fans bracing themselves for another Saturday whipping, we thought it would be a good time to check in with a Gator expert. Joel from The Bull Gator was kind enough to answer our questions about this year’s Florida squad. Read on to his take on the Gator’s strengths and weaknesses, last year’s Heisman Trophy race and the love that Florida fans continue to feel for Darth Visor. (And click here to see our answers to his questions.) Many thanks, Joel. And now, on with the show …

Give us a quick scouting report on this year’s Florida team: strengths, weaknesses, etc.

Florida’s biggest strength is the capabilities of its offense. Its biggest weakness is the coaches’ lack of realization of those capabilities. The Gators have the talent and firepower to put 40+ points on anyone. They also have the playbook to do it. So far in 2008, we haven’t seen it all come together for an entire game. Florida is averaging 35.5 points per game this season – which is nothing to put down – but this is a team built to do even more. The Ole Miss game exposed the fact that when behind in games, Urban Meyer and Dan Mullen panic and only go with the guys named Tebow and Harvin. The playbook is practically closed and the same 3-5 plays are used in hopes we can will a win.

In pressure situations, the Gators get away from what worked and go into panic mode. Not that I should complain too much about being 3-1 with big wins over hated rivals Miami and Tennessee, but the Ole Miss game made me very nervous for the rest of the season.

Other strengths include the starting defensive ends – Carlos Dunlap is a star in the making – and the linebackers. However, a weakness is still the secondary. Although vastly improved over last year, the Ole Miss game proved they are still a ways off from being among the SEC’s elite units.

What are fans’ expectations for this season?

Whoever the coach is will always tell you that Florida doesn’t look beyond winning the SEC East. Once that goal’s accomplished, it’s winning the SEC Championship. Then we can actually discuss the national title. Most fans I know think slightly different. We start at the top and then settle for the rest. Sure winning the SEC East is nice. Taking home a SEC title is all good and well. But fans want a national championship. The 2006 one is so fresh in our minds, we want another one. After losing to Ole Miss, we didn’t think “it’s okay, we still control our destiny in the East, win out and we’re in the SEC title game.” No, we thought “crap, how can we get back in the hunt for the national title?” Sure we’d settle for a 10-win season with a conference championship if we have to, but our expectations are a national title. We feel Florida has the program and talent to compete with anyone, so there’s really nothing else.

Do you feel last week’s surprising loss to Ole Miss was a fluke, or did it reveal real problems that might plague the team the rest of the season?

The way Florida played for the first three quarters against Miami and at certain points during the Tennessee game, I actually don’t believe it was a fluke. The Ole Miss game exposed the team to itself I think. Too much reliance on only Tebow and Harvin. Not utilizing the entire playbook. Bad play calling when behind. Despite wins by at least 23 points in the first three games, we saw some holes in Florida’s offense that weren’t expected. But watching those first few games, it was also apparent that some team could easily sneak up on the Gators. Ole Miss did exactly that.

It’s hard to say there are problems that will plague Florida for the rest of the season, because they are fixable issues. The Gators have the right coaches and players; they just have to utilize both effectively.

Do you have a hard time sleeping at night knowing that Tim Tebow wrongly won the Heisman last year instead of Darren McFadden?

(Read on …)

Things are starting to heat up around the SEC now…read on for our ballot in this week’s Power Poll (and be sure to also check out the overall results over at Garnet & Black Attack):

1. (4) Alabama (defeated Georgia, 41-30)
2. (2) LSU (defeated Mississippi St, 34-24)

The unvanquished. Don’t let the semi-close score fool you…Bama administered a serious beatdown on the Dawgs. In that 31-0 (!) first half they made Georgia look, well, Razorbackesque. Meanwhile, LSU isn’t exactly rolling but they keep getting the job done. The matchup between these teams on 11/8 should be something to see.

3. (3) Georgia (lost to Alabama, 30-41)
4. (1) Florida (lost to Mississippi, 30-31)

It’s really not the SEC East’s year, is it? In another stroke of luck adding to the Hogs’ perfect storm of a season, the real conference power is located out west this year.

5. (6) Auburn (defeated Tennessee, 14-12)
6. (5) Vanderbilt (idle)

You know it’s a weird year when the Auburn-Vandy game has major conference-wide implications. Here we are in October and Vanderbilt controls their own destiny in the SEC East. And although Auburn’s offense has looked fairly primitive (at best) this year, we have a feeling their game against the Hogs next week will cure that.

7. (9) Mississippi (defeated Florida, 31-30)

You know what? We’re not even going to be haters in the slightest bit today…that really was an impressive win.

8. (8) Tennessee (lost to Auburn, 12-14)
9. (7) South Carolina (defeated Alabama-Birmingham, 26-13)
10. (10) Kentucky (defeated Western Kentucky, 41-3)
11. (12) Mississippi State (lost to LSU, 24-34)

*Yawn* These are all mediocre teams who are a lot better than the Hogs. Frankly, this order probably isn’t the least bit correct, but we’re not losing a lot of sleep over it..

12. (11) Arkansas (lost to Texas, 10-52)

And here we sit. Might as well make ourselves comfortable…we’re going to be down here for awhile.

From a Razorback perspective, Ole Miss’ 31-30 victory over Florida last Saturday was probably the worst possible thing that could happen at this point in the increasingly-depressing season. Sure, some part of that is because it’s never fun to see photos like this of your controversial ex-coach while your controversial new coach is presiding over a complete meltdown against a historic rival. Ultimately, though, that stuff doesn’t really matter anymore.

No, the main reason that game sucks for us is that a fired-up and angry Tim Tebow now faces Arkansas with something to prove. Instead of catching the Gators looking ahead to LSU and possibly holding them to, say, a 30 point defeat, we’re treated to quotes like this:

“I’m sorry. I’m extremely sorry,” [Tebow] said. “We were hoping for an undefeated season. That was my goal, something Florida’s never done here. But I promise you one thing: a lot of good will come out of this.

“You have never seen any player in the entire country play as hard as I will play the rest of this season and you’ll never see someone push the rest of the team as hard as I will push everybody the rest of this season, and you’ll never see a team play harder than we will the rest of this season.”

Granted, Tebow was probably salivating the thought of attacking the Hogs’ Kleenex-thin defense even before he was stopped on that crucial 4th-and-1 late in the game against Mississippi but now he’s going to play extra-hard? This could be ugly…has a player ever racked up 1,000 yards of total offense in a single game before?

Maybe we’re just in a bad mood after getting routed by the Tide, but we felt like it was time to shake things up in our Power Poll ballot this week. While we await death threats from the thousands dozens tiny handful of Georgia fans who might read this post, let us know what you think in the comments section.

1. (2) Florida (defeated Tennessee, 30-6)
2. (3) LSU (defeated Auburn, 26-21)
3. (1) Georgia (defeated Arizona State, 27-10)

This may send Georgia fans into the heights of vein-popping outrage, but it felt like their week to move down. Yes, they had a big road win and, by traditional poll-making standards, it’s heresy to downgrade a team after a game like that, but we’re nothing if not damn-the-rules rebels here at Razorback Expats.

The fact is, we give SEC road wins a lot more weight than victories over wimpy Pac 10 schools, and Florida and LSU both ventured into extremely hostile territory over the weekend and pulled out impressive triumphs over good teams (ok, LSU beat a good team).

The other fact is that any of these three schools would beat the Hogs by about seven touchdowns, so the exact order doesn’t matter all that much to us at this point.

4. (4) Alabama (defeated Arkansas, 49-14)
5. (6) Vanderbilt (defeated Mississippi, 23-17)
6. (5) Auburn (lost to LSU, 21-26)

No further need to rehash Alabama’s game this week. Auburn blew a big opportunity by letting 14-3 and 21-20 leads slip away against LSU (any Razorback fan who remembers last season can sympathize), and Vandy upsets the natural order of the universe by creeping into the top 5. They’re the #1 team in the SEC East right now…strange doings are afoot.

7. (9) South Carolina (defeated Wofford, 23-13)
8. (7) Tennessee (lost to Florida, 6-30)
9. (8) Mississippi (lost to Vanderbilt, 17-23)
10. (10) Kentucky (idle)

We’re still pretty confounded by these teams…the only thing we do know is that right now it looks like a pretty big drop-off after #6 in our poll. South Carolina moves up to a very shaky #7, but that’s only because UT and Ole Miss lost. Kentucky is kind of a mystery, but since they didn’t play it was easy enough to leave them at #10.

11. (11) Arkansas (lost to Alabama, 14-49)
12. (12) Mississippi St (lost to Georgia Tech, 7-38)

The hotly-contested battle for last place continues…both teams turned in impressive performances last weekend. At this point, it’s looking like a photo finish.

Both Chris Bahn of ArkansasSports360.com and Alex Abrams of The Morning News have graded the Hogs’ performance … and, understandably, the results ain’t pretty. In fact, the report cards would make Bluto Blutarsky and his Delta frat brothers proud.

Here’s a quick overview of Bahn’s assessment (click here to get the full grisly details) - Offense: D. Defense: D-. Special Teams: C-. Overall: D. Choice quote: “This could be a really long year for Arkansas. There are problems all over the place and just about the time one liability looks improved, another one springs up.”

Abrams breaks it down like this (again, just press here to see his report in full) - Quarterbacks: F. Running Backs: B-. Wide Receivers: C. Offensive Line: D-. Defensive Line: F. Linebackers: D. Secondary: C-. Special Teams: B-. Coaching C-. Choice quote: “Whether it’s fair or not, the coach always takes the blame for a loss. Willy Robinson’s defense seemed to regress, missing tackles and giving up big plays. And Petrino and offensive coordinator Paul Petrino could never get the offense into a rhythm.”

A few weeks back, we introduced you to notorious privacy invader and dirty trickster (and rabid Hog fan) Biggs Barker. After spending the Hogs’ unexpected bye-week violating the Constitutional rights of god knows how many people, Biggs has filed the following intelligence report on the Crimson Tide and the University of Alabama.  

2008 Record: 3-0 (0-0 in the SEC).

Ranking: No. 9 in the AP poll and No. 13 in the USA Today poll.

Head Coach: Nick Saban (10-6 in two seasons at Alabama; 101-48-1 as a college head coach).

The Hogs’ series record against Alabama: 8-10.

Did You Know? Technically, the Hogs first victory over Alabama is a game that they actually lost on the field in 1993 by the narrow margin of 43-3. The Crimson Tide later had to forfeit the game as punishment for NCAA violations. Hey, we’ll take a victory over Alabama any way we can get it.

Vital Stats: Alabama is averaging 31.7 points per game and 382.7 yards of total offense per game. Opponents are averaging 7.7 points per game and 221.3 yards of total offense per game against the Tide.

Players to Watch: QB John Parker Wilson is passing for 156 yards per game; he has thrown four touchdowns against one interception. Running back Glenn Coffee is averaging 80.7 yards per game on the ground, and freshman wide receiver Julio Jones has caught 10 passes for a total of 107 yards and two touchdowns. Linebacker Rolando McClain leads the team with 21 tackles; safety Rashad Johnson is close behind with 20 tackles.

You Think The Tuscaloosa Campus is Wild Now … : From the University of Alabama’s Wikipedia page: “Early presidents attempted to enforce strict rules regarding conduct. Students were prohibited from drinking, swearing, making unauthorized visits off-campus, or playing musical instruments outside of a one-hour time frame. Yet riots and gunfights were not an uncommon occurrence.”

Sur-prise! Sur-prise! Sur-prise!: Guess who’s an alum of the University of Alabama? None other than “Andy Griffith” and “Gomer Pyle” star (and singer) Jim Nabors. Other notable non-sports alums include “Forest Gump” author Winston Groom, “To Kill a Mockingbird” author and long-time recluse Harper Lee, and journalistic legend Gay Talese.

If Nick Saban Tells You He Can’t Dance, He’s Lying: Just watch the man cut a rug. (link courtesy of Deadspin.)

Speaking of Dancing … : The fella in the clip below sure was happy about Alabama’s hiring of Saban.